


never too late (to find my way back to you)

by Blowing_minds



Series: The adventure of Rachel Wayne and her gaggle of batkids [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: (or batwoman in this case lol), Angst, Bruce Wayne is Batman, Bruce Wayne is a Good Dad, Btw Bruce's name is Rachel in this, Damian and his trauma, Female Bruce Wayne, Fluff, Gen, I just really like that as Bruce's name okay leave me alone, It's really not that bad, Mother-Son Relationship, Past Talia al Ghul/Bruce Wayne, Pregnancy, Promise, Ra's and Talia's particular brand of creepiness, Tal is Talia btw, Unplanned Pregnancy, after my girl Rachel Dawes, idk if ill do more for this au but we'll see, look guys i wrote this late at night gimme a break, no beta we die like men, y'know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 11:44:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16994376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blowing_minds/pseuds/Blowing_minds
Summary: "Did you regret it?""Regret what?""Regret... me?"ORDamian has some questions. Rachel has some answers. A conversation takes place. They're not as emotionally constipated as they could be.(Also, there are hugs. Because they don't happen nearly often enough in canon.)





	never too late (to find my way back to you)

**Author's Note:**

> I have literally no excuse. I like genderbends. I like Batman. Put 'em together and you get this mess.
> 
> Pretty much I wanted to explore what a female Bruce (named Rachel here) would be like and how her relationship with her kids would differ. I imagine she would be slightly less emotionally constipated, and more parental, but that might just be me projecting idk.
> 
> Also, in order for this universe to work, I had to figure out how to incorporate Damian. If I wanted him to still be the biologic child of Rachel, she would have to give birth to him. (Or genetically engineer him, but I decided to not go down that route lol.) And then if I wanted to keep his personality generally the same I'd have to somehow get him to be raised by the League of Shadows, and, well, this clusterfuck of a backstory emerged. I'm kinda proud of it, honestly.
> 
> I'm sorry for any OOCness, but keep in mind that a female Bruce would completely change the family dynamic and that her personality would also differ quite heavily from canon Bruce's.
> 
> (Oh, I also have no fricking idea what's going on with this world's timeline. I incorporated elements from both movies I've seen and what little I know from canon and this... thing emerged. I've added a helpful guide a the bottom to help clear up this timeline.
> 
> Early twenties (in reference to Rachel's age)—Rachel meets Tal (genderbent Talia) and becomes Batwoman  
> Early-mid twenties—Rachel adopts Dick  
> Late twenties/early thirties—Rachel adopts Jason, Dick starts distancing himself  
> mid-late thirites—Jason dies, Dick leaves, Damian is conceived  
> Early forties—Rachel adopts Tim, and later Cassandra, she and Dick make up  
> Mid-late forties—Damian is discovered and taken in by Rachel (present time)
> 
> Yeah, ik. But oh well. Hopefully it's at least somewhat similar to canon timelines lmao. I don't really care.)
> 
> Enjoy!

“Mother,” Damian said stiffly.

“Damian,” Mother acknowledged over the top of her newspaper. She took a sip of her coffee. 

“I—“ Stuttering, how dismaying. Waynes did not _stutter_. “I was wondering if could ask you something.” Not for the first time, Damian questioned if this was a good idea. Damn Grayson for talking him into this!  
Mother’s eyebrows rose, her only sign of surprise. She delicately folded her newspaper and set it aside, giving Damian her undivided attention. How unusual—she must have picked up that something was amiss. “Of course you can. Go ahead.”

Damian swallowed. He’d been quietly hoping she would say no, and he’d have a good reason to retreat. 

That hope was dashed now.

When Damian did not immediately reply, a frown crossed Mother’s face. She said, “are you quite alright, son? Did something happen? Did you get into another fight with your brothers?”

Son. Damian swallowed again.

“No, nothing is wrong, Mother. I am merely…” _nervous_ , but he couldn’t say that, “…tired.”

Mother’s frown deepened, sensing the lie, but she did not call him out for it. “Alright, then. What was it you wanted to ask me?”

It was now or never.

“Why did you have me?”

Had it been any other situation, Damian might have taken pride in the genuine, unadulterated shock his Mother displayed; such an unusual emotion on her face. Mother was rarely startled by anything—she was the World’s Greatest Detective, after all.

Instead, Damian felt vaguely sick.

“What?” Mother asked. She blinked, and repeated it. “What?”

“Ah. Perhaps I could have… phrased that better.” Or with more tact. 

“Where did this come from, Damian?” 

No amount of control and emotion training could keep Damian from shifting uncomfortably. “No where in particular, Mother.”

Her eyes sharpened, replacing the shock. She said, “sit down.” It was only when Damian had situated himself in the blue armchair across from her did she continue, “this must have come from somewhere. Did someone say something to you?”

“No.” At the look she gave him, he said, “yes. Maybe. I—don’t really know.”

“Clearly you have some idea,” she said. “Why don’t you fill me in?”

“Something Father said. Before I came to live with you, I mean. He didn’t say anything specific, but he gave me the impression that you were—not fond of pregnancy. Or childbirth. Or babies in general.”

“Really.” Mother’s voice had gone flat. “You know I’m a mother of five, right.”

“I’m not saying it’s true! It’s just—well—“ _God this was frustrating!_

Mother raised a hand, expression gentling when she noted his distress. “It’s alright, Damian, I didn’t mean to get snippy. I think I understand what you’re asking. This isn’t just about me giving birth to you, is it.” It wasn’t a question. 

Damian nodded, faintly embarrassed he was so easy to see through. Then again, it was _Mother_. “I want the whole story. Everything. From the moment you and Father met to when I was born.”

A raised eyebrow. “Everything?” 

“Yes.”

Mother leaned back, reclining in her chair. “Alright, then. Me and your father met when I was training to become the Batwoman. The League of Shadows was my last stop before I was going to return to Gotham. As I’m sure you know, all those willing to enter the League must fight your father as an assessment.”

Damian nodded. “I already know this part. Father told me. He said you fought him with such passion and skill that he practically begged Grandfather to let him mentor you.”

“Yes.” Mother looked towards the window, remembering times long ago. “It was an instant attraction. Your father admired my fighting spirit, and I admired his abilities and skills. We quickly started seeing each other.” Mother turned back to him and propped her chin on her hand. “It was definitely more physical than anything, at the beginning. Neither of us were particularly interested in a relationship, but we enjoyed each other’s company nonetheless. It was… quite nice, for a little while.”

“But then you discovered that Grandfather wanted to rule the world, starting with Gotham.”

Mother smiled, a small and dark thing. “And then I burned down his League houses and left, returning to Gotham. I would soon become Batwoman and adopt Dick. But you knew that, right?”

“Yes. I also know that once Grandfather got over his anger, he intended for you to wed my Father. Of which you declined.” Mother nodded. Damian continued, “and then, years later, you would go back to the League. Why?”

Mother blinked at him. “You don’t know?” At Damian’s frown, she shrugged. “It really wasn’t surprising, all things considered; me and the League have been intertwined for years, what with both Ra’s and Tal chasing after me. Though, I feel saying I went back to the League was a bit much.”

“You’re avoiding the question, Mother.”

This time, Mother’s smile was more fond. “A little bit. To be honest, it was…” she hesitated, and Damian sat forward eagerly, “… a moment of weakness. Jason had just died, and Dick had left for Bludhaven after we had a fight. I was hurting, and grieving, and lonely.” Although she tried to hide it, Damian could see the pain on her face. He clenched his fists. “Your Father… came to me. I wanted nothing to do with him, at first, but he insisted that he had nothing but the purest of intentions, and I was naive enough to believe him.” 

“That was…” Damian couldn’t finish the thought. 

“Yes, Damian,” Mother said, “that was the night you were conceived. After that, despite my wariness, I decided to give your Father another shot, and we secretly started dating. It would take three months for me to realize I was pregnant.”

“What happened?” Damian asked, completely enraptured with the story. Father had never told him this. 

“I was…” Mother bit her lip, and he impulsively reached forward to grab her hand. She flashed him a small smile. “I was terrified.” It was like a weight was lifted off her shoulders, and it unconsciously occurred to Damian that while this was his first time _hearing_ the story, this also might be Mother’s first _telling_ the story.

“I hadn’t the faintest clue what to do with a baby. Still don’t, to be honest. I didn’t know how to feed one properly, or bathe them, or to—to raise them! I wasn’t in a good place mentally, either. I was barely functioning—Jason’s death was far too fresh, and I was terrified of losing another kid. I just—I wouldn’t have been a good mother, and I knew it.”

“But you raised Grayson and Todd,” Damian pointed out. Mother shook her head. 

“Sort of. But by the time they fell into my care, they were already children, not babies! Same with Tim and Cass. And you. Kids, I can do. Babies? I had no experience, and no one to teach me how. I would have killed you within three weeks. And don’t get me started on pregnancies. I hate being vulnerable—still do, as I’m sure you know—and the thought of being that vulnerable, even if I decided to take a break from being Batwoman, well. It was scary.”

“Then what changed?!” Damian burst out, frustrated. “You obviously had no interest of giving birth to me, so why did you? Why didn’t you just abort me and be done with it?”

Mother let out a small breathe. “I was going to. Abort you, I mean. Tal convinced me not to.”

Damian paused, frustration momentarily forgotten. “Father did? How?”

“Oh, a number of ways. Mostly with empty promises. The promise that I wouldn’t have to raise you alone was probably the deal breaker, though.”

“What?”

“Oh, yes. He told me that he’d leave the League and run away with me—to Gotham or to somewhere entirely new, completely my choice. He said we’d raise you together, that you’d grow up away from assassins and vigilantes and violence—that you’d be a normal child, with a normal family. And I, foolishly, believed him.” Mother pursed her lips.

“Father… Father said that?” Damian asked, radiating disbelief. His Father, promising to run away with from the League? From _Grandfather_? “He would never.”

“Believe me, Damian, I know that now. But back then, I was so desperate to—I don’t know, make up for what happened with Jason, that I would have believed anything. And that is why I kept you.”

Damian felt like he couldn’t breathe. “Is that it? What happened after? There must be more to it.”

“What else would you like to know?”

Damian’s answer was instant. “Why did you give me over to Father to raise? After you discovered his deception, did—“ his breathe caught, “—did you not wish to keep me anymore?”

“Oh, Damian, no!” Mother grabbed his other hand. “No, that’s… that’s not what happened. Damian, baby bird. I thought you were _dead_.”

Distantly, Damian wondered how long it would take for him to become desensitized to these revelations. 

“Your birth was not an easy one. You were quite the fighter, even coming out of my womb. You took so long to come out, and when you finally did, I was practically half-dead and delirious and passed out almost immediately after. I barely remember anything from that night. By the time I awoke… you’d been carted away somewhere, and I was told you’d been born a stillborn.

“Had I been a bit sounder of mind, I might have done some digging to confirm, but at that point I was so overcome by grief and sadness that I could do nothing but cry.”

And oh, wasn’t that something odd to imagine. His Mother crying. He’d never seen her shed a single tear before. He had admired it before. Now it made him sick.

“I left, after that. There was nothing more for me there. I returned back to Gotham and took back my cowl and my company. I moved passed it, slowly but surely. I adopted two more kids, Tim and Cass, and I discovered that Jason was alive, and I eventually made up with Dick. Life was normal.”

“And then you met me,” Damian said. 

“And then I met you,” Mother agreed. “And here we are.”

Damian should have felt satisfied. After all, didn’t he finally have the full story? The mystery surrounding his birth? The nature of his parents’ relationship? Hadn’t he asked all his questions? Why did he feel… empty?

Oh. He still had one question left, it seemed. A question Damian wasn’t sure he wanted the answer to.

“Did you regret it?” His voice was quiet. Timid. So very unlike his usual superior tone.

“Regret what?” Mother asked, matching his tone.

“Regret… me?” Seeing the way her face suddenly looked stricken, Damian hastened to add, “I mean, Father made all these promises to you to convince you to keep me but then never delivered, so having me seems unnecessary.”

“Damian, oh my God,” Mother breathed, and Damian had only a moment to fear because _what?_ before he was being pulled into a fierce hug.

“I have regretted many, many things in my life,” Mother said into his hair. “I regret letting Jason die. I regret allowing Dick and I to grow so far apart. I regret allowing your father to manipulate me for so long.” She pulled back so she could look him in the eye, but kept him in her arms. She titled his chin up. “The circumstances of your birth are unfortunate, I will admit. But I have never—never—regretted giving birth to you, Damian. _Never_.”

This time, it was Damian who initiated the hug, burying hid face into Mother’s shoulder to hide his few stray tears. Although he could not see her, he thought that she might be crying a little bit too. “Truly?” He gasped, feeling like a child looking for validation.

It was both demeaning and… nice. Being a child.

He felt Mother nod. “There are some things that I regret with you. I regret not looking into your ’stillborn’ birth. I regret not being there to stop you from being trained into an assassin. I regret not watching you grow up. But you, Damian? I think you might be one of the things I am the most proud of.”

“It’s not too late, you know.” Damian’s voice was muffled.

“Not too late to what?”

“To raise me.” Damian pulled back to offer Mother a shy grin, feeling bashful. “If you want too, that is.”

Mother’s smile was perhaps the most beautiful things Damian had ever seen. “I would love too, little bird.”

“No more regrets,” Damian said.

“No more regrets,” Mother agreed.

They shared matching smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> (Yes, I am aware that canon Bruce is a bit of a hardass and probably wouldn't try to give up the cowl like this, but I imagine that Jason's death in this made Rachel feel incredibly guilty over the fact that she could not give him a normal life, and when she discovered she was pregnant all she wanted was for her child to have the life Jason couldn't, even if it means giving up Batwoman. Idk if i explained that properly. Oh well.)
> 
> Hey hey hey, if you enjoyed, let me know! I love hearing from my readers. It makes me warm and fuzzy. And if you want to see more of this AU, also leave a comment. (Seriously, though. Comments give me life lol).
> 
> Also, if you have anything specific you'd like me to write about in this AU, let me know! I'd love to continue this but I don't have too many other ideas.


End file.
